Amie Stuart ~ On the Back Porch

How to give a man pleasure while having sex….you’ll find your answer here. Though to be honest, I do wonder if you’re really a woman. Or maybe it’s a trick question. Cuz it sure ain’t rocket science baby

Happy Friday everyone! What are your weekend plans?

Or Thirteen Reasons I’m So Late Getting My Thursday Thirteen Up

1. I Overslept
2. The Dog Ate My Internet
3. I was Reading
4. I had REAL work to do today
5. I was Captured by Aliens on the Way to Work (Anal probings not near as bad as everyone says *ggg* )
6. Then I Learned to Fly A spaceShip
7. And Finally after Winning the Intergalactic 500 SpaceRace, I decided to come on In to work (Aliens can’t drive for shit)
8. My Local phone company (see at&t) outsources their support center and it took a while to get there and back
9. I walked to Work to save Gas and I just Got here.
10. I was too busy drooling over my box of books
11. I was Too busy doing tech support for AT & T
12. I was too busy talking to Vee on the phone
13. The F*cking POS was broken.

**YEAHHHHHHHHHH the Mr. Linky Wordpress plug in WORKS!!!!!!!!!!!

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Look what just showed up on my doorstep!

Yes, a box!

And guess what’s inside?!?!?! Guess! GUESS!!!!!!!
(more…)

blogger hates me.

And, I hate blogger. I’m not gonna be google’s bitch.

S’all I’m saying.

Or my AI recap…….seemed like not only were there sparks flying with the singers, but between Ryan and Simon (again). Pretty funny stuff.

ok….Phil. I totally didn’t agree with the judges. I thought he sounded weak and I wasn’t impressed. He should have listened to Martina …..

Jordin….DAYUm. What else can I say? DAYUM. She totally had the chill factor. You know Randy was right–when Martina did Broken Wing she did it right. It’s really hard to take a song that was so well done (and fwiw one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite singers) and cover it. Where Phil failed, Jordin kicked ass–totally.

Sanjy–Louder….but flat (unlike his hair). Jesus what else can I say? I read a thing online (apparently a joke) that he was doing Boot Scootin Boogie and I emailed Karin threatening to throw a boot through my TV which btw isn’t even paid for. So that would have been bad. Very bad. Speaking of which…Sanjy–bad hair BAD BAD HAIR! Not only did you mutliate Bonnie Raitt, your hair looked unusually shitty*. Go Home. I have to give him kudos for taking all the criticism he gets everywhere and still smiling but DAYUM. Enough already.

Kiki–loud. Just loud. And I hated her boots.

Chris–he totally had the Rascall Flatts thing going on!!!! I could totally see him doing that. Yeah, okay so it was a bit nasally in parts but still WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO (why was the band so loud though?)

Melinda–Great….Fun. What else can I say? She’s a pro and it shows, but as a writer we all know being a pro isn’t all it takes.

Blake….had some pitch problems hitting those high notes. However, I think he did pick a perfect song for him (and one of my fave McGraw songs) in that it wasn’t too country. He did the best he could considering it was so far out of his comfort zone.

Overall a pretty good night. Predictions? Anyone? I say Phil’s going home. And Kiki better watch out.

*FWIW if I wear my hair curly and put a bandana on, my hair looks like just like Sanjy’s– :-O

Today is Raine’s birthday and her blog has been hijacked

PS has anyone seen my lighter?

1. If you can’t afford children, keep your pants zipped.
2. Condoms are also a good investment in your future (but really, keep those pants zipped)
3. Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up. Paying bills sucks and there’s no Summer Vacation in the real world.
4. Always treat a woman like a lady, hold the door for her, compliment her and smile. Girls like that.
5. Brush your teeth–you only get one set and all that dental work I’m paying for ain’t cheap.
6. Always take responsibility for your actions, including getting someone pregnant….which leads to #7
7. There’s more to being a father than paying your child support and seeing your kids every two weeks.
8. Body odor is NOT cool.
9. I love you and think you’re wonderful, but the rest of the world doesn’t. Get over it.
10. I love you and think you’re wonderful, but I won’t put up with rampant stupidity and half-assedness. Get over it.
11. You WILL work your ass off for everything you get, and again, there’s no summer vacations in the real world. Yup, Get over it.
12. I did not raise freeloaders. Don’t be one. Yes, #1 I’m talking to you.
13. One day you’ll discover just how smart I really am