Amie Stuart ~ On the Back Porch

My blog is two years old……….since I’m too lazy to go check the exact date, let’s just celebrate at will during the month of June….. :kisses:

Yeah me…….

In honor of my blogday, we’re celebrating with a LONG OVERDUE installment of CITS (celibate in the suburbs)

I am looking for a mature woman on the bbw side, from 35 to 55 and big busted. I have always admired the big mature woman. She has been the picture of my erotic dreams and wants. I need a big sex kitten to satisfy my lustful gravings. Could you be the one to satisfy my desires? Let’s get to know one another soon.

First off he’s 46 which immediately gets him marked off my list…….Second his grammar sucks!

I am 5′4

I’m 5′6……..LATER! (not only is he shorter than me, I probably outweigh him and well, short men have short equipment!)

my fetish is sucking and licking on feet in pantyhose or nylons. the sheer kind

What’s really sad is, he’s a good looking guy!

Is there ANY woman out there that can give a man at least one good furburger before he gets swept away?

By what? An ocean of fur?

I am looking for a woman or a transsexual who smokes.

:wtf: He’s 39 and he looks like he might be related to the 40 year old virgin Swear Ta Gawd!

I am married, but no longer have sex with my wife. I need that spark in my life. I would like to find a local tgirl who is in need of a man for dating and intimate encounters. I am not interested in breaking up my home or your so discretion is a must.

So does the fact s/he’s a transvestite make it NOT Cheating somehow? Scab :bleep:

Just curious how many out there are into a*al fun giving and receiving…myself I love both.

I’m sorry I left my strap on at the cleaners……

Up next…….He’s hot…….he’s straight and he wants a tranny…….

looking for transexual only for sex and plesure betwen 18 and 30 years old

So you’re only going to have sex from the ages of 18 to 30–what about the rest of your life? Wait……….wait you’re 32. If you’re done having sex why are you placing personal ads? :zipit:

There is a God and she likes me! :kisses:

Prison Break producer Garry Brown confirms that the show soon will open a production office in downtown Dallas, with filming scheduled to begin on June 15.

The new season will have its inmates on the lam after they busted out of jail last Monday. Various area locations, as well as the city itself, initially will be cast as “Anywhere USA” as part of Prison Break’s evolving “road show,” he says.

I Actually SAVED this one from when the blog was offline…….Even sent it to Raine (trust me we both enjoyed the hell out of it).

I swear, as Raine is my witness this is a REAL personal ad……….

My name is **** *******, I live in G**** P****

Stalk. Me Now! No No really, I swear to God he posted his real name and city. I blocked it out. Don’t know why I bothered but you know, Karma….

I don’t drink,
:loser:

don’t smoke,

:zipit:

and it’s very important to me to talk without using foul language

Dude get a fucking life already……..shit! :wtf:

expecally when I am in the prescence of a lady. I am much more attracted to women of dark colar and that is what I am looking for is to have a good relationship with a lady with dark skin. To be more perfectly clear

or to mangle grammar even more

I am looking for an African American Lady. I was in a relationship before with a woman with dark skin, and since that relationship I am only attracted to ladies that are African American so if your not Black I am not interested.

So if i’m half black does that mean you’d only be half interested? *snicker* :ohmy:

And then there was this one…….

Easy going lovable teddybear is looking for a hairy women to love. I love to kiss and cuddle.

So what is it he wants to cuddle? :yell:

Fish. In. A. Barrell!

God help me I just got done watching Chris Rock……so in honor of the man himself. If you like :meow: marriage ain’t for you………

I am the type of person that enjoys going out on the town but I am also very comfortable staying in and snuggling up on the couch in a pair of boxers and a t-shirt watching a good movie or just talking.

What he means is, he’s lonely and he’d like to share his porn collection with you. Be prepared to watch him whack off.

I’m a ROMANTIC man and NO less! I will cook for her, shop with her, clean after her and then make LOVE to her

What he means is, he has incredibly submissive tendances and isn’t afraid to wipe your :moon:

i think that painting a women’s toenails is one of the coolest romantic things you can do for a woman.

What he’s really saying? “I have a foot fetish. And I will lick your dirty toes.”

If you love :memememe: -jobs, marriage ain’t for you

I really enjoy the company of a mature woman. …If you’re between 45-70 and interested in a younger man, drop me a line and let’s get together.

What he’s really saying? “I want to roll around on your wrinkles. And I want you to support my lazy ass.” Ew :crazy:

I’m 30 yrs old…swm…5′7″ tall, 175 lbs, stocky build kind of like Garth Brooks, and moustache and goatee.

Um I’m real sorry to break this to you sugar but 5′7 and 175 isn’t stocky it’s fat!

37 wht male uSArmy guy seeking a sexy BBW, SSBBW, BiBBW. … I am openminded, outgoing and love alittle kink in my life

I find this scary in ways I can’t find the words to explain. I wonder if he likes to be bounced on?? :memememe:

I’m looking for someone that is sweet and caring, and wants something real.

You know what? I’m gonna write a personal ad and put every mean thing I can think of in it.
I’m not nice. and I sure as hell ain’t sweet.
I get terrible PMS — when this happens I suggest you just drop the chocolate and coke on the porch and RUN FAR AWAY.
I have cellulite, fat rolls and stretch marks.
I’m a terrible housekeeper.
I hate to cook. Because I hate to make decissions. I make decissions all the time so I won’t write you. I’ll let you decide to write me.
I forget to pay the bills.
I love going without makeup on the weekends even though I look horrible
I can’t dance but I do occasionally exhibit some signs of having rythym.
I have a terrible habit of listening to the same CD over and over again–drives the kids nuts.
I’m selfish and I don’t want to give up all my free time to devote to a relationship. I just want a steady monogamous, friendly mutually satisfying :woohoo:
Drop me a line. I probably won’t answer! :memememe:

What do ya’ll think?

I am passionate person about life. I love people and always try to help. I would like to meet a nice woman who loves life as much as I do.

You’re also not much of a talker. Probably because you’re too busy shoveling dinner in your mouth (yes I swear to GOD he has a photo of him EATING! :wtf: ). No wonder you’re 45 and single. BTW he looks like that guy that played Jed Clampett (the Earnest guy) in the Beverly Hillbillies movie, but not as good looking.

Hello all my name is corey and I live in orange county I am 5′10′ 170lbs good build brn hr hzl golden eyes I am currently living with sick mother but am very close to moving out thank god lol.. But if you would like to chat and get to know me ok this time write an e-mail thank you

Corey is from Cali and he’s 28. He’s cute. But he lives at home. Don’t buy that “sick mom” bullshit either. His mom’s not sick; his ass is BROKE,

I am extremely attracted to SSBBWs. So if you are 300 lbs to 1147 lbs let’s chat. I also love to be sat on bounced up and down on until I say “Uncle”.

Oh MY :zipit:

He’s 25:

Well someone said they tried this and it worked out great so I said what the heck. I love public safety.

Obviously not a writer with a handle on transitions. Personal ads….public safety. You’ve pulled me out of the personal ad.

My degree is my profession by choice. I am a FF/Medic and have been for the last 9 going on 10 years. I hope to someday go to the police academy also.

Remember he’s 25…

On to another one….

I am a professional man, live alone, never married and better not have any children! I am 67 years old, but you wouldn’t know it by the way I act, feel, and sometimes look.

I bet you DO feel 67!!!!!!!! :crazy: Talk about can’t touch this…….ICKYYYYYYYYY
NEXTTTTTTT–this one’s 25 also.

I have moved to New York from the UK now having got a nice job…I’m having lots of fun, but I still need that extra special person (if you know what I mean!)

blah blah blah I can’t get laid blah blah blah….:woohoo:
Next……… This one’s just a baby (23) so I’ll be gentle.

I’m a sweet guy who has problems dating I really dont know what to say to the ladies and sometimes I guess I come off lame. I guess thats why I’m single.

Honey, please. You’re hot. Find an older woman and let her take your hot young ass in hand and train you up right! YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :woot:

Next a 44 YO Yankee

Im looking for someone to get to know me.

Ain’t we all babes……ain’t we all.

To Os, I though I’d post an ad that I WOULD respond to……Opinions ladies?

I AM…

Convinced that Krispy Kreme is the glue that holds our society together…Concerned about people who wear their pants down below their butts (I’m thinking of organizing a national fundraiser for “People Without Belts”)…Disturbed by the growing number of socks without matches in my laundry…Offended by advertisements for free samples of viagra in my email - I’m doing just fine in that department thank you…Of the opinion that rap music though popular by the masses is worse than listening to a 3 year old bang pots and pans…Leary of women who ask “does this make me look fat”…A supporter of OJ being an acceptable breakfast all on its own…Looking for love in the strangest of places (the jury’s still out on this website)…Listening to Ryan Adams, David Gray, Coldplay, and Counting Crows in heavy rotation (most of the time at ungodly volume levels)…Self-congradulatory most of the time…Worried about 15 year olds with too much computer knowledge…Buying into the “American Dream” (I’m just not sure I know what I’m buying)…And sure that one day Texas will become it’s own country and will pick on everyone else.

He’s 29, stocky and has a shaved head. Attractive but not intimidatingly hot. Not to sure about his taste in music, but othewise he comes off as smart, funny, and down to earth.

Then again, posting a good ad means nothing to pick on him about. Don’t look for too many of these. :pimpn: