Amie Stuart ~ On the Back Porch

This gem comes from a married 35 YO Man (side note: I have like negative kazillion intollerance for cheating).

I’m a good looking man who simply hasn’t been taken care of like I need to be. I stand about 6ft, short hair, clean shaven, strong hands and arms, (been told I have a nice rear too, but I don’t look at it that often…)

Blah blah blahhhhhhh welcome to the big setup. Note the words “haven’t been taken care of”. I have sirens going off on my head. Ladies, ladies, ladies DO NOT fall for bullshit like this. He’s lying out his allegedly nice ass.

Married strictly because I don’t want to loose contact with my children, and I know she’ll move off and make it impossible for me to have a relationship with them if I do. There’s no love left there, no friendship either… She’s basically a roommate at this point.

:loser: I won’t get a divorce because I make a shitload of money and I don’t want to pay my fat :hushup: cow wife any child support. She has no clue how much I hate her. It’s not my fault she got fat after the kids. She thinks we’re still happily married and when I call saying I have to work late, I’m realy up here at the job having cyber sex with my internet girlfriend. Then again, it’s very possible that she’s the actual breadwinner in the family while I’m pulling in a shade above minimum wage as a manager at Micky D’s.

I’m a very nice/decent person, and this is not a position I ever thought I’d be in… Because of my situation, I cannot have a normal relationship until my kids are old enough to choose to live with me (which they will, trust me!)

Well of course they will you poor wittew victim!!!!!!!! I believe you. :meow:

I’ll take NSA, if that’s all I can find, but I’m also looking to find woman who can provide me a friendship with some extra benefits. Give me a chance, and I’ll show you just how “worth it” I can be. You’ll be very happy I’m your “friend”.

I’m not sure what NSA is but I have a feeling it’s not THE NSA. However I think it’s safe to deduct that he’s talking about :woohoo: . He’d really like to find a long-term :hushup:- buddy, until he gets tired of you and decides to find a new one. You will be very happy he’s your friend until he :hushup:you over like he’s doing his wife.

:heythere: bye-bye

Here we go again…..A 41 YO male.

A Debonair Professional (well educated) Gentleman seeking a SERIOUS minded Female that is not into playing GAMES.

It’s not THAT, dipwad, it’s WHO. A serious-minded female (female is NOT a proper noun btw) WHO is not into playing games. What he’s really saying here is I’m a pretentious mother fucker but I’m not too bright, despite my masters degree. I’ve been burned.

I do not play with emotions and I expect the same in a Female. I am GOD fearing and down to earth.

You and everyone else on the planet. *snort*. It’s not God you should fear; it’s your fellow human beings. They’re a hell of a lot scarier.

I LOVE sports, plays and movies. I am a tried and true Romantic. I enjoy cuddling and stimulating conversations.

I’ll make you a football widow and you better obey me. Foreplay–3 seconds.

I LOVE to be in the company of HAPPY People and smiling FACES. I have been told that I have the persona of one that should be on the Comedy circuit. I am not a PAIDED Member as of yet, however, I have STRONG intentions to become one VERY SOON.

People tell me I’m funny because they’re too scared to tell me I’m not. I’m a mean mother fucker and I will make you laugh.

I know what MOST SERIOUS Women are seeking and you need not seek any further. Again, NO GAME PLAYERS or GOLD DIGGERS, PLEASE!Beauty is SKIN DEEP. Also, I have the ability to travel extensively. I am a Juvenile Probation Officer. I have no PROBLEM with women that have children, as long as YOU keep them respectful and in check. Peace and a Long Life..

Somehow future comedien and Junveile Probation Officer don’t meld in my mind. And it’s “women who have” not that….What he’s really saying here is he a uppity mother :hushup: hasn’t got a :hushup: clue what women want, and he’s nothing to write home to Mom about in the looks department (or in bed). He’s been burned a lot –probably by gold diggers with kids. Which he hates by the way and the only reason he doesn’t quit his job is because he likes the power trip. And he has a lot of frequent flier miles with Southwest Airlines. Someone better snap him up. :loser:

…and welcome to something new. Celibate in the Suburbs* (or in this case, one single semi-old chick’s persual –and subsequent critique–of internet personal ads on a fairly regular basis). Our first ad is straight out of West Virginia….:heythere:

Hi I am a nice guy! Look for that one spicel gril that we can shair life!Look for my soul-mate!I like the same age or a littel older! Life to short for games! So dont play them!I work full time and go to school! I am stalky, I work out! I am 5 feet 8! I have big shoulders and arms! I am neet, and clean cut!I am know as you would call the nice guy tipe!I work hard, but I dont forget to have fun 2! I love to laugh and have fun to!I am a gentalman, and a romatic tipe to!

Disclaimer: I am not a snob.
1. Dare I ask what you’re going to school for, Sugar?
2. Spellchecker is your friend. Don’t be scare of it. Be ONE with the spellchecker. Be INTIMATE with the spellchecker, PLEASE. Every time I read “I am stalky” I think of celery. :hideme:
3. Periods, also your friend. Use them. PLEASE.
4. All guys are nice — I bet you have a high cling quotient. How many restraining orders are out there with your name on them?
5. He likes FUN. I wonder what he does for fun in West Virigina. :yell: I have a visual of tallboys, gun racks and burping contests on the back porch of his double wide.
6. He likes older women (IE He’s passive and looking for a domineering mommy type to take care of him. He likes whips and chains and not just when he’s pulling the engine out of his ‘67 Ford either). Punish him and he’ll be yours forever.
7. All kidding aside, I’d never respond because you’re too far away and W. Virginia is not on my “I wanna move there” list.

*****
*Yes I changed it from SITC to CITS–seems a bit more fitting